Dresses in a Closet

God has a way of putting people into our lives. Each one has certain talents and lessons for us to grow from. Out of all the BILLIONS of people, you only know who you know. I think he has a reason for that, He's a pretty clever dude. 

Going through the biggest heart brake of my life, so far, I am so constantly tempted to focus on the negative, have all my cups be half empty instead of half full. I often find myself on the edge of surrendering to the overwhelming doubts whispering in my mind. Yet, I wake up each day and try my best to do my best. It's because of all the beautiful people who love me, they keep me afloat. In moments of their warm love and concern, I remember that you are not alone in this life. We have each other. 

Each and every one of us have a beautiful opportunity, that opportunity is the serve the ones around us with the knowledge and skill only we have. It's not always about what you can get, sometimes you need to focus on what you can give. Be someone's example not their excuse.


One of my dearest friends, Emily, discovered several dresses neatly hanging  in her grandma's closet. These weren't any ordinary dresses, they were the wedding dresses of her great-grandma, grandma, mother and aunts, mingled in with bridesmaids' dresses. After rediscovering these beauties, Emily asked me if I would be willing to try on some of  them on so she could take photos of them. She knew she asked the right person, I will hardly turn down a reason to dress up. I'm still obsessed with playing make-believe.  So this last Saturday afternoon, after a Wendy's drive through, we journeyed to her Grandparent's house. Sure enough, in an upstairs closet, was the collection of dresses. 

I was taken aback by the amount of emotions brewing in my heart as I gazed upon these handmade dresses. Some I heard stories about, others grew up seeing photographs, and here they all where stored. Each of them being a symbol of commitment, a token from a love story, a beginning of a on going family, an icon of celebration.

Although the moods where delightfully cheery and laughter was common as I pranced around the house in a variety of dresses, belonging to time periods  ranging from the 1920s-Present, I felt a deep level of reverence. I felt honored to be the one bringing smiles to the faces of those who actually remembered the debuts of some of  these dresses. 

As I was surrounded by fabric I was also surrounded by stories and memories. I was astonished

 by the spirit, testifying to me the important of giving your talents and dedication to build up people. To establish a environment that invite people to feel accepted and give them the chance to understand they are loved by, not only you, but by our Heavenly Father too.  Becoming a husband or a wife, a father or a mother, is one of the most selfless things you can do. Its dedicating your self to service and sacrifice, which is, in my eye, the most honorable thing you can do. I respect all of the husbands, wives and parents out there. 

I am so blessed and happy to be apart of my beautiful family. I hope I can learn how to better serve them and find ways to show them how grateful I am to have them. I am also thankful for the family I chose to be apart of, my friends. Constantly my breath gets taken away because how quick and ready they are to help me out.

 I am looking forward to living my life in a way that I am proud of, so when the time comes I can help create a new family. I'm excited to fall in love with a man who is willing to serve me and our family. I'm excited to serve this, for now, mystery man as well.  But, meh, if I dedicate my life to prayer and doing what I believe to be right it will happen when it happens. For now, I'll just try on pretty dresses, take pretty pictures, dream, smile and enjoy life. 

Cherish the moment

Lets be honest here, life can seem pretty dull somethings. We all accept responsibilities and then drag our feet as we feel obligated to accomplish them. We have all whined and complained about mundane tasks. We have all allowed boredom or sadness to control our focus and direct our stream of thoughts. I admit that I have definitely fallen victim in becoming blind to the love and blessings that compose my life. That is why I thankful towards God for giving me so many reminders of how to cherish the moment and wear a smile on my face.

These God given reminders happen daily, yet I so often label them as simply ordinary consequences. But, ever once a while, a powerful brief period of time awakens my memories of beauty. My last grand reminder happened just this last Tuesday, but I am going to rewind the story a little bit before that, only like a few years back or so. 

My first year of college was the first year I meet this man, yes the man creepily standing in the door way. 

As you can tell, Greg and I knew each other but our friendship wasn't that strong, nor went that deep. It lasted that way for a while. There was only picture I could find of us being new acquiescence is, you guessed it. This one. 

But I do recall one of the first interactions I had with Greg was him showing me a picture of a beautiful infant baby girl. He told me that it was he daughter, Olivia, and he placed her in adoption. I smiled as I held at the photo, not knowing how I was going to grow to love the little one. 

As my two years of Snow College progressed, so did my friendship with Greg. I soon found myself classifying him as "my adopted older brother." He became a family member away from home. He was there to give me words of motivations, relationship advice, and hugs when I most needed them and so on. 

 After graduating I transferred to Utah Valley University. It was a pleasure to see the familiar face of Greg in the big hall way.  In between classes, I would enjoy the pictures and short videos of  Olivia that Greg would share. I truly became found of her cute squinty face as she smiled and her squeaky voice as she would speak. We both were falling in love with a beautiful little toddler through emails.  

Now that we are all caught up I will explain this last Tuesday.
"Wow, you look real handsome today... did you get a hair cut?" I asked Greg as we sat in hallway. His brother laughed as he said no. "I like your shirt, what the occasion?"

"I have thing in a few hours" He replied.

"A thing? That's all your gonna tell me? A thing? A thing could be anything. " I grind.  

"Yep."

Randomly within the next couple hours I would ask questions and try to guess what this mysterious "thing" could be. I would get yes and no answers but eventually I gave up trying. 

Latter, I was sitting in my night class, I get a text from him saying "Text me when you get out of class."
My class went a bit longer then usual and I glanced into the doorway and there was Greg with a teasing impatient look on his face. Finally my class got out and I meet him in the hall way.

Beaming he said "I meet her!"

Confusion come over me for a second, until it dawn on me... he was talking about it daughter. It was the first time he ever saw Olivia face to face. Squealing, I hugged him. Both of us smiling, he told me every detail. Anyone that just walked by might have I was listening  to a man telling a simple story about playing with a little girl, but they wouldn't realize the significance and power this moment held. The father's love that I saw Greg possess made me cry.

Crying as I walked home, I thought of all the beautiful small moments that we don't even realize that we own. Anything can seem glorious if we look at it through lenses of acknowledgment and appreciation.

. We all need to stop and make sure that we cherish the moment, because not everyone is blessed to have the moments that we have the honor to experience.

Ephraim to Orem

So its been a little more week since I moved to Orem to attend UVU and its off to a great start! All thought its just been a week it feels like I've been here forever. I am very content and there is a strange sense of familiarly and home every since day one.

I am absolutely in love with my major (Social Behavior/Sociology) but its defiantly challenging.  Every day it becomes a little bit more obvious that I am no longer enrolled in 1010 classes. 

My days typical start around 9am and end around somewhere between 3-4am. My mornings and days are full of class and homework while enjoying the constant construction  and nose outside my window. My evening and nights are full of exploring the bus routes while going on crazy errands, late night movies, midnight pizzas, IHOP, fast food and Sluprees,  wedding repetitions, Latin dancing, Facebooking, phone calls and Skypeing, an abandoned warehouse, wading in scummy smelly water, snuggling under the stars and good night kisses, etcetera.

I am wildly enjoying and drinking in every beautiful moment, yet, I find my self longing for what I once knew. Reminders of Ephraim and Salt Lake slip in everywhere. So far, the people I chose to spend my time with are people that I already know and have stable relationships with (the majority I meet through Snow College). I remember the thirst and hunger I once had (along with most of the students of Snow College) for social interaction and friendship.  Here in at UVU I have been blessed with two beautiful roommates, Sarah and Katie, but we mostly keep to ourselves and spend most of our days be hide closed doors. I miss the lack of privacy due to Cast 216. I do get the privilege of seeing my bothers Willy and James more often but I find myself calling or getting called by my other sibling. Hearing their voices makes me miss their hugs, I have to remind my self that they not that far away.  Here in Orem I get overwhelmed by the unending number of spot lights, seeming like there is one right after another! I miss the quite openness, the dirt roads and the Moped ride pass the cows. From the one Sunday I've been here so far my ward seems really neat, but no one can compares to Bishop Scott Waytt. 

Its tricky because the more you love the more you can and will miss. But I believe that is the only way to truly live, is passionately love and passionately miss. Heres to the memories and friendships built in Ephraim!!! Heres to growth, the mystery of what might come next and loving UVU!!!! Bring it on! :)    

Twin Trees

(as always don't be hatting and judging me for all the spelling a grammar mistakes. Get over it! Love ya!)

Confusion, exploration, adventure.... thrill... food for my soul. That's why I love to travel. To experience and feel  the world under my bare feet. As much as my soul strives on something/anything new at the end of the vacation is something I will always enjoy. There is a magic when the car pulls up into the drive way and I see my beloved home... its one of my favorite sights and feelings. Returning home is a refreshing sigh for the spirit. 

This is glorious world and I love to experience it. I love it when my breath is taken away. I love to be shocked because those are the moments that add up to become something grand. They help in molding me into a new and more magnificent person.  As much as I adore change and growth I love "coming home." I cling to my personalty, family and friends as always we.  I will forever add to my life but I constantly desire the comfort of "returning home."

Since graduating from high school, a little more then 2 years ago, the lives of my loved ones and mine own have taken many unexpected twist and turns. I continually find myself overwhelmed and confused by the event taking place around me.  But after receiving my diploma from Snow and returning back into my family house for the summer my surrounding instantly felt familiar again.  And when Emily came for a visit almost everything felt right again (minus Jamie being gone). I found myself lost in moments when I forgot that things had changed. In these moments my Snow life felt like a dream, something that didn't really happen. Back in Salt Lake, laughing with my friends until late into the night, I was home and I was happy. I never wanted it to end.

I went out of my way to spend time with Emily nearly everyday she was here on her summer trip. It was a Beautiful blessing to be with someone who have known me for so long and so well that we didn't have  worry about making yourself impressive and we could let our complete selves out. I believe everyone need to find their very "own Emily". It makes life more doable.

Pictures of everyday I was with Emily this summer... (pictures not in order)

http://gifboom.com/x/3696a0dc?fb_action_ids=10151020615548850&fb_action_types=gifboom%3Awatch&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=310242302386979

http://gifboom.com/x/e933dcae?fb_action_ids=10151020615178850&fb_action_types=gifboom%3Awatch&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=310242302386979

"Come Lara,  my mom has a surprise for you..."  Emily causally said has she garbed a can of soda and opened the door. I fallowed her as she led me to the fresh nighttime air. We walked the short well-kown path into the front yard, there waiting was something not so wall-known. Brand new, brightly colored lawn chairs."Mom said we spend enough time outside that we should at least have a place to sit." She explained. I squealed due to the simple treasurers before me and the warmth  created by the simple thoughtfulness of Emily's mother.

We made ourselves comfortable and began to do what we spent the majority of our time together doing. We talked. And we talked for hours upon hours. About everything and nothing at all.  Insignificant details along with mind altering powerful concepts mingled with everything in between. The topics changed rapidly. Ideas became tangled while keep cycling back to each other or just launched whole new trains of thoughts.Though the crafting of words and stories there were secrets and hidden moments neither of us were willing to address (at the start). We both claimed that the other knew us better then anyone else in the world, yet there were tales we still we both were not willing to tell.

As our conversation grew so did the lateness of the night. The later it become the more tried our words got of dancing. Our questions and stories became more straight forward and blunt.

"Do you know what I love... those two trees." Emily randomly pointed out the two trees near the edge of her yard. They were planted around the same time when her family moved into the house. and I noticed how much they have grown throughout the years.

The confession of love towards the trees lend to a matron of memories somehow linked to them. Then the trees' stories evolved into almost any and every thing dealing with  Emily. The reminiscing began with early Elementary school and lend to modern day. All stories and memories were accompanied  by honest commentary on why we acted certain way and why we said they things we said. My eyes were forced wide upon as I looked at different angles of the memories I had kept as companions over the  years. My whole life felt strange as I look back with a unique light. I learn more about myself and Emily in those hours then in my whole lifetime so far. 

I can't count they times I wined "I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" to Emily and vice versa. There were so many facts about each other that we either assumed were known or purposely kept closed.  I realized how many words I have said or actions I've done  that could be taken wrong and offensive, hardly any of them being on purpose. I always have and always will value Emily friendship so seeing how the depth of the cuts I made into her soul over time made my eyes swell with tears. 

This story has many morals, just to name a few:  You can never truly know someone, including yourself, so don't pretend like you do. Try your best to be aware because you never know what a simple word could cause (for better or for worst).  On the flip side people will never truly know you, so often when they say something that you translate as hurtful it is mistranslated. Also, don't put all your trust in every memory because someone else remember it differently. But with that being said,  never claim to be bored because there is still so much wonder and too much learn and discover within yourself and the others around you. Not lastly, find someone to rant with and share yourself with so you don't have to carry yourself all on your own. This is a big Beautiful world, never stop discovering and dwelling in love.

Emily and I standing between the beloved twin trees

Hair

(Waring this post jumps around a lot!)

Hair grow back.... this has been one of my many mottoes for many years now. That might explain why I've never been too worried and careful with my hair. I could just sloppily cut my bangs because they were getting in my way while I was trying to type an essay for school, or why I would allow my friend with no professional  training chop at my hair during a New Year's slumber party. Uneven, ugly or awkward hair doesn't scare me, if fact I enjoy it.... When I see a photo of myself my hair is the first thing that brings me back to memories. In pictures, I use my hairstyles as the timeline of my life. Here is my jumbled harry timeline of Snow College.

As my Snow College adventures are coming to an end I have been overwhelmed with all the memories and events that have taken place within a 2 years. Not only has my hair changed (A LOT!) I have changed (A LOT!)

... and this is a shout to Emily, I so was planning on a blog post about my hair before you ever posted yours... I'm just slower then most. 

My first Sunday at Snow was full of playing silly games with strangers. My hair was plain and brown... Not that noticeable, but at the time neither was at. I was afraid and felt out of place, but I was willing to give this college this a go! 

  

As my hair grew so did my love for Snow College and college life in general. I was adapting quickly to the new life style. So far, my first semester at Snow has been the best time of my life hands down. My roommates were better then I could ask for. I was meeting the most interesting people.  My class and professors were great, I was very pleased with the knowledge I was gaining. I was living away for the first time, but I lived close enough to home to visit friends and family on occasion. And the more comfortable I became with my surroundings the less afraid I was to make a fool of myself and allowed myself to go on silly adventures. Such as drinking hot sauce from the bottle then rushing to the milk or staying up all night climbing in the cupboards. I was young, stupid,  loud, full of laughter and hope. Simply put, I loving life. 

Halloween rolled around,  as roommates (and a couple of friends at the last minute) decided to dress up as Clue characters. We had a blast as we threw together outfits from D.I.s, things lying around the house or free piles on the side of the road. We really hit it off already as roommates, we were pretty much instant friends from the start. My roommates were my best friends at Snow. But I do believe on this late night, when we were having too much fun getting in character  and taking hundreds of pictures, we bonded closer then friend and truly became a family away from our family... We  became a lot more closer and united as we laughed and made everlasting memories. 

Not only did I gain a roommate family that night but also a realization that I don't know how to do ANYTHING with my hair. I usually just comb or brush my hair once in the morning and call that good, some times I don't even do that. I had to have my roommates help me simply curl my hair because I didn't even know where to start....I was completely clueless. But often I am to busy enjoying about life that I never take time to worry about my hair...

Finals came along and so did a new tradition. There is only so much text book reading and going over notes I could do before I would rather go crazy then study anymore. So instead of studying for the upcoming finals my fun loving roommate, Rachelle, and I painted our faces  liked Ziggy Stardust and sprayed our hair orange (both face pant and hair color on a after Halloween sale). This randomly dressing up for no apparent reason awoken something in my soul... something I forgot how much I enjoyed... dress up and embracing my imagination! Not allowing myself to be just one person... but who ever I wanted to be. This random escape from stress by looking like a freak led to many more dress ups and pictures to come.

Second 

Semester

I had to go to the store to pick up a few things for my painting class. I was short on cash on had a budget of what I could spend. The paint brushes were a lot cheaper then I thought so I had extra money. And of coarse instead of saving it, or buying something like food, I did what I always do and that is being spontaneous. I bought hair dye, black hair dye. Why black? To this day I still don't know, just because. The black hair dye claimed to not be permanent... not permanent my foot. 

February, 7, 2010, around midnight I got in a relationship with one my best friends I meet at Snow College.  Kipp Aaron Huffaker. It was the first time in my life I was involved in official relationship. I was uncertain how to be girlfriend and I was freakin scared! But we took this slows and had the time of our lives. And as always my roommates and friends were there to help me out and support me. Our first official date was the Valentine dance. Of coarse my roommates had to help with my hair and make up! They are always there to help me with anything from hair to relationships.  

 I have no bad things to say about my high school. I enjoyed it there and I learned a lot... but I never dressed up or showed any school spirit.. But I was proud to go to snow college... I was happy, truly happy. 

Adventurers happened daily, never a dull moment. I constantly celebrated my happiness and youth. 

On one of my many visits home I asked my lovely talented Anita to trim my hair because I had no idea when I had my last hair cut. But I couldn't get just a unnoticeable trim. I NEEDED something new, I wanted something that would give me a shock when I would see myself in the mirror. I love change! But once again, the cruse of the college student, I was short on cash, so instead of a hair cut, I just got my bangs cut. Sometimes a little change is better then no change at all.

And of coarse, dress up continued to happen often.

Summer rolled along. It was very difficult for me to go home. It was so hard for me to back to the life I had before Snow College. I had to keep reminding my self that I was only a few months and then I would be back having more adventurers. By this time I had long brownish black hair.                                                

Many times during the summer I would visited Kipp, he would visit me or we would meet half way. On one of my trips to Kipp's house I asked Rachelle to join me so I wouldn't be so lonely when Kipp had work. We felt like children as Kipp left and his roommates were watching T.V. We ran around exploring the house, and some how ending cutting my bangs, giving them a slight angle with dull scissors and a razor. And surprisingly they didn't turn out terrible! Some times you have to just allow your self to be surprised and you might like something new. 

So far, this summer took first place of being the crazies!!! I worked all day, stayed up all night. I was too stressed and busy to eat or sleep often. I was doing my best to deal and help with the drama happening in the lives of my friends and supporting them with all there achievements. Any and all free moments I had was full of spontaneousness, I never knew what to suspect! A afternoon hanging out with Emily could lead to a fake bridal photo-shoot or a tea party in Matias's back yard or anything in between.      Meanwhile I was falling in love with Kipp through short visits and long phone calls. It was the the hardest and most wonderful summer I can remember.  My hair was untamable, brown roots were growing back. No matter what I did it was all over that place, similar to my life at that time. 

I was super attached to my long locks. I loved how wild  and unpredictable my hair was. I was planning on growing it out and maybe getting dreads soon... but then something unspeakable happened... 

LICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the worst case of head lice, there was a whole colony on my head! It was awful! Thousands and thousands of little beasties! Me being the nice caring person that I am, gave them to my sisters and nieces as well. Trying to get rid of these evil little beasties was agonizing! So it had to be good bye to my long hair... 

Anita being the beautiful girl she is, helped me get rid of the horrid lice, but doing so she garbed the nearest scissors and carelessly chopped off my hair. It took the combined efforts of Anita and my sister Holly to rid my head of the lice. And my hair was now already short... so why not go all the way? 

So I rocked the lesbian hair cut. 

                            

It was an extreme different and freshly exciting. I loved the change. I felt unique and sexy... even if I would get the occasional comment of how boyish I looked. 

I lived through the Summer of chaos... now back to Snow College!!!! 

                                                                    Third Semester.                                        

My third semester at Snow started lovely... but something was different... missing. I could feel myself and all the ones around me slowly but notably loosing the playfulness that was once the center of our lives. I was taking harder classes, had a job (as a night time janitor) and all my choices and decisions seemed to matter more but I still had, and always will, bit of that childlike wounder. Yet, I could feel myself having to say good bye to most of my childish ways. I was rough to saying good bye. During all of this, Kipp and I were going through so rocky stuff trying to plan what would be best for our future... Even with all that, life was great over all, I still had many good times but it was also the hardest time I have ever gone through so far.I believed I cried more the third semester at Snow then my whole life combined.   Whenever I would leave for the weekend it was so difficult for me to come back. But I stuck through it... and day by day my hair would grow, showing me there was hope, to never give up and always grow from experiences. No matter how short life cuts you, you can always grow back... I learned to smile between the hard times and try my best to do so during the struggles. 

 

Although I was  mostly  content with my short hair, every once and a while I just wasn't satisfied had to play with a wig :) Its necessary to hope and dream and/or imagine.

Once, I was enjoying a ride home one weekend as Kylee and I was screaming along to our favorite songs.Acting like a fool, I was sticking my head out the window.  Doing so I would catch my reflection in the mirror. I would constantly comment how I how my hair looked. Kylee and I both agreed that I looked like a Beatle. When I made it home I quietly tip toed down the stairs and leaped into Holly's room surprising her. She shouted "AH, LARA THE BEATLE!"  After searching the house and collecting articles of clothing from my bother and father to take pictures, I figured it was time for a hair cut.   

 When ever I want anything done with my hair my instinct is to call Anita, so that's exactly  what I did. Within moments after the phone call I was walking up the hill to her house. She trimmed my hair quite nicely and quickly so I looked a little more like a lady and not a British man. But the challenge came when she tried to cut my bangs. Not being used to cutting short female hair/bangs she tried her best with her inexperienced ways (in that certain element of hair). Through out that night between IHop, bowling, coffee shops and late night talking, she would experiment with any dull scissors she could get her hands on. As the night went on my bangs just got shorter and shorter and worse and worse.  But I just embraced them for they were reminder of all the fun I had that night! I would much rather have ugly bangs then professional ones with no stories.

 

 Everywhere I went after that night I had a constant reminder of my friends and enjoying the imperfections of life.  

 

Over fall brake my Krissy found some cheap spray on hair dye. Just to freak out my family and friends, for kicks and giggles, I wanted to see how many of them I could trick...  

  

It started as a gag... but I fell in love... Don't be afraid to be silly or have a sense of humor, you never know what truths are hidden in between laughs.

During Final I unopened Pandora's box and didn't close it in time. Sick of studying I needed a brake, so ran down the hall to my dear good friend Harmony's dorm . Knowing that she had recently put pink highlights in her hair. I welcomed myself into her room and pointed to my hair asking "do you have any dye left?"... enough said. 

                                              

Although having unnatural bright hair seems right up my ally this was my first even using permanent dye (on purpose) EVER.  My mom and dad had a very  free and laid back parenting style when it came to me. They didn't give much rules or discipline they just gave me their examples, hope and trust. But one of the very very few rules my mom had was no hair dye, she often spoke her opinion strongly against the evil of hair dye.I was a very obedient child, for the most part. I never dreamed of dyeing my hair, I was happy and content with my brown hair. Randomly, I use non-permanent hair dye but it would shortly fade back into my familiar beloved brown. This was my first time bleaching my hair and permanently dyeing it. True it was my bangs, but it was still a huge step.

 Over a random weekend visit back home... as most of my hair stories go, I visited Anita. With out any rhyme or reason she asked me if I wanted purple highlights in my bangs... why the heck not?! 

The purple ended up not being just highlights and kinda took over. Causing me to have what was known as the cotton candy throw up hair.

The end of the semester came along and so did  start the beauty of Christmas brake. The purple high light began to fade and took the once bright pink along with it. Turning my bang into a pastel peachy color.

Since it faded so much and so quickly it left a new canvas for me to experiment with. Several times in just a few weeks I experiment with Koolaids and wannabe Koolaids. Allowing  me to have a rainbow of hair in such a short period of time. I was experimenting with not long lasting colors and I loved it, but soon it came to much of a hassle and I wanted something that would last a bit longer.  

 

(sadly how many colors there was in such a short period of time I only could find one caught on camera)

As my hair grew naturally it grew  the beginning stages of a mullet. I'm can be known to be a laid back and accepting person but a mullet is a mullet and I couldn't have that! So always Anita cut and styled my hair. Around that time Krissy dared me into buying hair dye from the dollar store (which was one of the nastiest things I have ever smelled) and everyone knows that I can't go back on a dare! Life is so much less with the influence of other people.

Once again I felt unique and sexy. I felt edgy and confident. The majority of my life I was the shy girl in back of the class room hardly saying a word and always feeling lonely. True, I had good friends and countless number of siblings but the times I felt most comfortable was when I was alone. It was near the end of junior high when I noticed life was passing and I was mostly watching and not performing. I took the support and love that my friends and family constantly gave me and self motivation to move forward and take control. I forced myself to see all the little things in life and I forced myself to standup and standout. I had/have such a loud outrageous soul inside of me and I was finally letting it out and let the world know who and what I truly was/am and that I am not ashamed of  myself. I still find that I prefer keeping my secrets and enjoy being alone time to time. But ever since my awaking last year of junior high I need people, I need to see their smiles, I need to hear them laugh, I need their hugs and their tears. The more and more okay with sharing myself the more I love the others that I sharing myself with. My new hair cut was a way of sharing myself. I am loud, bold and happy to be who I am inside. So needless to say, I was very happy with my hair.

                                                            Fourth and final semester

Hopefully this won't come to a surprise to you.... hair dye from all a dollar fades quite quickly. My life was too full of college life and adventures to truly care or do anything about my fading bangs. So I just let it do its thing. My hair just grew and I often didn't even try to style it or anything... so I just kinda let it be. 

I had a lot of choices to make in my life as I knew my Snow College days were coming to an end. I no longer had the safety of the familiarity of Snow. What school should I go to after this?  Should I prepare to serve a LDS mission? Should I look towards a serious relationship that could lead toward marriage? What am I even gonna do for just the Summer? Am I gonna pass all my classes? What do I need to do to caught up/keep up with my grades?  How are my friends doing?  Hows my family? With all these questions and a lot more constantly twirling in my mind, the question what should I do with my hair wasn't my focus.  I just let it be.

 I could/can tell that I'm on the path of growing up but there will always be apart of me that refusing and longs to be in Never-never land. 

Ever since I came out of my shell (and even a little bit before) I value the people in my life more then anything else. There is a lot in this life that you can't take with you but I have a testimony that the relationships you make are worth something. The way you treat others and the way the remember/think of you is very very important. Don't get me wrong I am who I am and I'm not gonna change for every person I meet. There are some people I know that aren't the biggest fan of me.  But what I am saying is try to be the person you want to be and somethings are worth sacrificing to help a friend smile.  For example going to Institute class (which is very good) or hanging out with Greg, a dear friend that I haven't seen for a while and telling to do my hair as he reminisce about his past "punk" days... I would pick Greg. I want to give people a smile, so they have a good memory on lonely days so they know they are loved.

It was nearing the end of the semester and life was crazy. On a overly crazy, crazy week where I swear the majority of the people important in my life conspired thst it would be a fun  to talk, call, email, or text me all the problems and drama in their lives. I felt loved and honored they trusted  me but at the same time worried and stressed. In the middle of Emily sending me text messages novels about her life she randomly asked if we could dye my hair like Ramona flowers )from one of our favorite movies Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), the question was so playful compared to all the other question and favors my friends were asking me at that time... at first I said no... due to the fact that I was planing on auditioning for the school play. But the idea intrigued me and kept playing with my mind. 

I ended up  kinda getting a part in the play, but it was very small and I wore a wig for the majority of it.

 

And go figure Anita posted a status on her Facebook reading "Hey Everyone! I need 4-5 people that would be willing to let me do their hair and make up and take pictures. If you give me complete artistic freedom, then you're hair color and cut or whatever we do to it will be completely free. :] Shoot me a message or text or something if you're interested!!" And oh boy was I interested! I figured since I had a wig they could cover my hair no matter what color it was. 

Needless to say, Anita dyed my hair... (and you can read all about my blue hair in the post I wrote a little while ago called Blue, Bold and Beautiful!    http://littlefaelara.blogspot.com/2012/04/blue-bold-and-beautiful.html ) 

At first she  bleached my hair blonde... at the beginning of the bleaching process Anita made me promise never to dye my hair blonde. Yet, at the end of it She took back her words and said she actually loved me as a blonde. I was only blonde for the 15 min max, but I couldn't not look away from the mirror in that time. Its amazing how much hair style/color can change a whole appearance of a person.  The change would not let my gaze escape it, it had me trapped, entranced.  

The dye Anita was using was one that she was not used to therefore my hair and its color was a gamble. And this was the outcome. 

I was intimidated and frighten by the boldness of the colors.  I was afraid of the false impressions I would give people. As much as I try to fake it and pretend not to be, I am a shy person by nature. But once Anita dyed my hair there was no going back and I learn to love it. It was a strong color, and I had a strong personality and it was finally time I had to wear both of them with complete, 100%, pride. Each time I did something new and excited to my hair it grew more and more extreme until it exploded into this. I have an untamed soul an now it showed stronger then ever. There was no hiding. I fell deeply in love with the color... but it was a forbidden love. 

My play director and costumes designers were not happy with the surprise and gave me whole bunch of sass. I thought I could just be colorful and blond and just hide it when necessary. But I was bluntly told that I had to back a natural color and I did commit to play first. Therefore, I only had my blue/green hair for about a week, but oh what a week it was....

First, with the help from the beautiful Kylee Berry, I used a color stripper. I acted excited about the new transformation, but I longed for my blue hair the moment it was gone.

After taking a few pictures, my yellow/blonde hair  was dyeing a redish brown, similarish to my natural color. In hopes that when my hair began to grow out again it would be that noticeable. 

A bitter  sweet thing was when I got more surprised reactions and disappoints from my friends when I dyed my hair a natural then when I randomly came back to school with blue hair screaming for attention.  

 

  Apparently, my reasons for getting a brownish color was in vain because the color began to instantly fade the next day. Every day I would look in the mirror and try to describe the color of my hair. Every angle, every light, every day made it took different. I once heard it described as a brow/gold/golden/red almost orange.

 

I graduated for Snow and doing so caused a flood of emotions. In a way I went full circle back to beginning and in a way I was so different and was so much more. I am now single and kinda jobless. The majority of my time is step job hunting looking for almost anything to help me through the Summer. Since I am looking for jobs I can't do anything drastic to my hair, so every day it fades into an unknown color. In an in-between state, not knowing the next time its gonna be cut or dyed.... but for now it just grows because it knows nothing else.

I'm excited to see what will come next!!!