Written by myself and my lovely roommate Jessie Rachelle Stanton I.
Cars rushing, lights blinking. Children Screaming. I feel like I'm sinking. Cling and clatter, my life twirls around me. The calamity I can't quite clasp.
Day by day, they slip away. Doing my best to live in the moment yet they expect me to plan for the future. What do I say, where do I go? What lose ends do I tie together?
You can't skip ahead. You have to wait 'till the end, to see how this life unfolds. Make sure you write it as you wish it to be told.
Minutes and months, they tumble by me. Yet all I can do is sit in this crowded coffee shop and realize its... time to take time.
There is nothing to compare the feeling I got when I received text messages from friends with pictures of a goat in their backyard. Apparently they were at a softball game and there was just a random goat there. One of them, believing they knew who the goats owner was, took it home so they could get a hold of the owners.
I often hear the complaint of there is nothing to do in Ephraim... personally I think there is too much to do in Ephraim. Its such a small place, but its overflowing with college students. That equals my idea of a good time. You have to find and create your own entertainment! You have to truly spend time together and learn from each other. You're forced to just hang out with each other and talk and laugh. That is one of my favorite things about going to college in a small town. You never know what could happen. Every night I go to bed thinking back on my days wondering how in the world did I get involved with all these random, simple, and silly adventurers. For example, how did I end up in my friends' backyard petting a goat. I can't remember a single moment (besides class and homework) being bored in Ephraim.
Never close yours eyes and heart to the world around you. Never complain about being bored. Never lose awe and wonder. Never stop loving. Honor your God by enjoying the life and world he gave you.
I have been wanting to post for a while now, so many thoughts swirling around in my mind longing to find a way, any of kind of escape. But going to college and all, with finals and graduation just around the corner, I have found myself overwhelmingly busy. My time is taken up with classes, quizzes, test, writing essays, studying, reading, having a (small) part in the school play, plus summer job searching and enrolling for a new college! So, of coarse with all these stress that is infecting my life the only logical thing for me to do right now is stay up late in the lobby of my dorm building and enjoy all the loud chatter surrounding me while I post on my blog.
About a week ago I stop by the local grocery store to pick up just a few things because my kitchen cabinet was looking emptier and emptier everyday. I have a belief that was paid that day but I was proven wrong when my debit card was denied three times in a row. Was my card refused to work I just looked at the cashier lady with a blank, deer in the headlights look, only for a moment or two. I have never had anything like that happen to me before. Once I got over the shock I simply just began to take out my food from my green reusable bag. I wasn't too helpless, I still had some food back at my dorm plus I could always eat some of my roommates food and I knew soon I was going to get paid some day soon. No biggie. But then the woman in line be hide me spoke up and said just to add the price of my purchases to hers. I denied and denied her but she was persistence. "I've been a poor college once before." She said as she paid for my food. She asked for my name and I asked for hers and she answered with a smile. "Claire." After receiving her name I asked "How in the world am I suppose to pay you back Claire?!" "I don't know... just do something good for someone else someday."
That day I was overflowing with love and amazement. My pizza bites have never tasted so good. I was inspired to be kinder person, and give my best to every task. Because of the kindness Claire showed towards me I wanted to show that I cared for others. Unfortunately, even with as much as I refuse to believe, I am only human and I am not always the best I can be. But then I am reminded of the the kind heart Claire had towards a poor, tall, lurpy, green haired stranger. It gives me motivation to do better, be better and give good energy into the world. If we count all our many blessings and repay them by doing something good for someone else someday the world would be a better place for all. One step at a time was can help the ones around us... thank you Claire.
Even as a young child I always was worried about being too main stream... It started in preschool and elementary. I had the hardest time admitting that I enjoyed the same things that majority liked. I loved discovering my own style of movies, music and books I didn't want my peers and society to tell me what I should read and watch. I wanted live MY life and become MYself. Now I don't focus on being or not being main stream... bit I still focus on MY life and MY self. I like what I WANT to like, popular or not. Trendy or old school... I like what I like and I love what I love.
Through out the years become much more bold on my individualism. Do I do it to seek attention? Oh goodness no! Do I get attention? Oh goodness yes! I welcome the attention, I embrace it. I accept attention that I get constantly due to my clothing, behavior and interest. I want to be an example to others you don't have to fit a mold... I want to let every soul shine from within. I want everyone to know and believe that I am not afraid to be who I really am.
This weekend I spent a good few hours from 9:30pm to about 12:30 am in one of my best friend, Anita's, salon as she worked on my hair. The out come was a surprise. Blue in some place, blonde in others and mostly aqua. In fact, a good 30ish minutes or so near the end she wouldn't let me look at any mirrors and/or keep my eyes close. Due to the surprise, lack of sleep and a caffeine hangover when I saw the finish project I didn't quite know how to react or my feelings on it. But as the day past I become more in love with my hair. I love the shock I still get every time I catch myself in a reflection. Shock can help remind up that we are still human. It keeps us on our feet!
My hair serves as a reminder to me, and hopefully others, not on the rely on what you have been taught your whole life to be normal...
Before
Step one, bleaching... getting in touch with my inner blonde!
Finish project... what Anita calls "mermaid hair".
Often I get overwhelmed by the talents I don't have. I can count the things I'm not skilled at so quickly and effortlessly. Usually, every one around me instantly agrees with most of my statements describing my lack of abilities.
On dark days my spirit hides in the shadows of doubt in my mind. Those are the days that my lack of talent is bold and painful to me, the reminder of the things I can't perform damages my heart ... but then I am always, always reminded by what I CAN do... and that is I can smile and I can smile long and big.
The sun rises and set every day. New days always come, but they also always go. Time is constantly passing. You can't necessarily choose what happens within the day... you can't necessarily control what happens in your life... But you can control yourself... don't let the shadows in your mind win... fight back, always fight back... win the war, battle by battle by merely smiling.
Don't let darkness and gloom win, don't let your faults define you... have your ENDURANCE and your HAPPINESS define you. Don't ever limit your expression. Shout out of tune if you don't sing! Draw stick fingers everywhere if you feel like lack art skills! Write a story focus on a story and not spelling if English is not your thing.Talk to everyone you see if you claim to be shy, and admire and clap for the others you would typically envy... and do it a smile and a laugh.
More often then not I am deliciously in love with myself and the flavor of my soul. My constant struggle each and every day, at what seems to come so easily to so many others, make me human. I am so SO human and I love it! I am so proud to be human.
"We as humans fall apart, were constantly struck down and breaking, we grieve and go through tremendous amounts of pain, but the thing that makes us stand out, that defines us as humans is our ability to look forward stand up clean ourselves up and be ok, even if it's not for a long period of time we continue to do it." -Emily Pihl
As everyone who knows me knows that I love pictures.... I love how they can capture so many memories... they are magic... they help remind me on why I am happy to be myself.
I encourage everyone to take picture of themselves and loved ones. You never know when you need to be reminded of that memory.
We were young, had curiosity, time
and fewer responsibilities... Most of my best friends grew up in the same neighborhood.
Yet, none of us took the time to drive down
random roads tilted "not a though street", find new parks, admire and
complement houses and truly know and become aware of the place we live in... we decided to take that time. Therefore, night after night my friends and I
would spend hours and hours driving around the neighborhood, not arriving back
to our homes until crazy hours in the morning. During thess random nightly car rides we would
every once and a while stop by a 24/7 gas station pack up on goodies and then drive
aimlessly. While snacking and snaking through the streets, we would allow ourselves
to speak our minds and concerns in a judge free zone. I wouldn’t trade the memories those conversations
for anything in the world.
On one
of these many drives Emily and I had the discussion of if we wrote blog what the
titles would be and why. We had many profound thoughts among others that only made us laugh. That was years ago, I now live two hours from home and
that beautiful neighborhood and Emily is living in another state. To the honor of those late night drives I’m
going to start writing my blog…
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